Scariest Place On Earth

Today we're going to do something a little different.  While this is still TECHNICALLY a Tropefest post, we're going to be examining a body of work rather than a particular trope.

Because this has been bothering the shit out of me.

Let's dish on Disney. 

Any little kid will tell you that they LOVE Disney movies.  My little sister, between the ages of 3 and 4, could not complete a day without watching Sleeping Beauty because Princess Aurora was the prettiest princess in the ever-est of EVER and Maleficent was just friggin' awesome (which is why I did not destroy that tape after day 3).  What they will ALSO tell you is that they are traumatized by every Disney film they witness.

GAAAAH!  Fuck you, Fantasia!

One of the things I like about Disney is that they aren't afraid to step into the dark places.  Yes, they rewrite classics to be more family-friendly and take all of the cool gory bits but 9 out of 10 people will tell you that there is no Disney movie that doesn't dip a toe in the darkness.  Even the most innocuous of Disney movies, Bambi, will cause a child to run screaming from the room when they hear that gunshot and figure out what it means.

That being said, there are some TRULY horrifying moments in Disney films that make me question whether these are really for little kids.  Let's step into the Wayback machine and take a peek at some of these gruesome moments.

Nice 'n' Easy, bitch.  Invest.

The Evil Queen's transformation in Snow White and the Seven Dwarves is not, by any stretch, the darkest of the lot but it IS the first in a feature length animated film which is why it's here.  I still cringe a little hearing her shriek of torment turn into a hideous cackle.  Of course, I'm also concerned with how her hair is just sprouting out of that cowl but I figure that's all magic and shit.

Hope they aren't going to Tijuana.

Don't do drugs, kids.  Drugs will turn you into a donkey.  Just like Lampwick in Pinnocchio.  This scene is often credited as being the most disturbing scene in Disney history and for good reason. Yeah, Lampwick was a jerkwad but the prolonged transformation went on just that few seconds too long to be "comfortable" and his fear and pain are felt by every child in the audience.

A pink kink in your think...

What did I just fuckin' tell you?  Don't do drugs, kids.  Don't.  Fuckin'.  Do.  Drugs.  This alcohol-fueled nightmare from Dumbo probably had the exact OPPOSITE effect of keeping people from drinking because if you drink enough, the pink elephants go away.  And so does your liver.

That cape is HIDEOUS!!

It took me three tries to watch Disney's adaptation of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow all the way through as a kid.  This is some serious hoodoo, right here.  This short is one of Disney's few attempts at actual "let's call it horror" horror and, being Disney, they hit this nail right on it's non-existent head, comedic moments and all.  Yeah, they tried to give it a sappy ending but we all know poor Ichabod got chopped.

SEIG HEIL!!

Jumping forward, because, seriously, I could write a book about this shit, Scar from The Lion King was the epitome of "malevolent dictator" and he was bat-shit insane to boot.  Laying out his plan for taking over Pride Rock in the song "Be Prepared" showed us exactly WHY we should be afraid of him and his hyena toadies.  Being voiced by Jeremy Irons made him even creepier.  Fun fact:  Did you know that the song "The Madness of King Scar" had to be cut from the movie because it was basically about how Scar tries to rape Nala?  They kept it in the Broadway show.

EEP!

How The Hunchback of Notre Dame kept a G-rating, I will never know because the lyrics and imagery in the song "Hellfire" should have at LEAST have gotten this a PG, maybe a PG-13 considering animated Esmerelda fire-boobs.  Fuck ME this was... well... hellish.  No child is going to understand that this guy is driving himself insane with a conflict between his lust and his religion but they sure get that he's being attacked by a fireplace.

Fish are fucking food.

The sharks in Finding Nemo (on top of the freaky deep-sea fish and that fish-murdering moppet).  Yeah, this may be a personal one but ever since Jaws, I can't look at sharks (well... relatively realistic-looking sharks... Shark Tale doesn't count) without feeling dread, even if they belong to some kind of self-destructive 12-step group that tells them to deny their basic instincts.  This is scary on two fronts.  These are sharks and these are SUICIDAL sharks.  You know one of those bitches are going to snap and we're gonna have little scraps of Nemo all over the place.

Your friends are fuckin' shady.

Dr. Facilier.  Oh, damn, Dr. Facilier.  You voodoo bastard.  YOU KILLED RAY!  That little firefly never did nothin' to you. Watching you get snagged by your shadow puppet pals in The Princess and the Frog was INTENSELY satisfying... and more than a little reminiscent of Drag Me to Hell.

Suffice it to say that I still enjoy Disney films.  I just look for the scenes with more black and red ink than the others.  I, for one, would LOVE to see a Disney-animated full-on horror flick.  Can you imagine it?

Walt Disney Presents:  Hellraiser.

Roger opened the box, didn't he?

Hell, they can do it.  They own Dimension Films.  It would be beautiful and disturbing.