Friday, November 9, 2012

And Your Little Dog, Too.

In case you haven't guessed, I am what the old queens call "A Friend of Dorothy".  Sadly, the 2010 indie flick YellowBrickRoad makes me want to hunt her down and stab her in the face for being SO FUCKING BORING! 

Seeing as how the movie has absolutely NOTHING to do with The Wizard of Oz and there's no mention of Dorothy in there ANYWHERE, it disturbs me to report that stabbing Dorothy in the face STILL MAKES MORE SENSE THAN THIS MOVIE EVER DID!  Hell, the fact that the title is all one word makes more sense.

I mean, it starts OK, with this legend about the entire population of Friar, New Hampshire leaving everything behind, including pets, guide dogs, food, clothing, etc. to follow a path into the forest for utterly unknown reasons and the government finally disclosing the location of the trail.  YAY!  Now, we have mystery!

ADVENTURE!!  Only not really.

So, yeah.  In true horror movie fashion, an idiot research/film crew decides they want to follow this trail.  Research is fun, right?  RIGHT?

Yeah, that's about where the fun stops in this movie.  The next hour and a half is "psuedo-creepy-but-not-really" local girl-guide, hiking, looking at kinda-sorta-scientific instruments, strange voices in the forest coming from loudspeakers because of who-knows-why and the least exciting slides into madness ever witnessed.

This piggie?  Much crazier than this movie ever gets.

Yeah, there's violence but it's disjointed and pointless and less gruesome than a chicken nugget.  Come to think of it, there's more spice in a chicken nugget.  I actually DID keep watching this one but only to prove to myself that there actually IS something more boring than watching paint dry.  At least the paint gives you interesting patterns occasionally and the fumes can be fun.

Do I really need to tell you to skip it?  This one has no redeeming qualities, whatsoever.  Go watch grass grow.

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