Friday, March 29, 2013

We're Gonna Get You...

One of the advantages of living in a college town is that we get some cool shit.

And sometimes that cool shit includes ADVANCED SCREENINGS OF EVIL DEAD!

That's right bitches.  I saw the Evil Dead remake last night it was GLORIOUS!!!

I went to this movie with horror movie veterans and we screamed and laughed and "oh shit what the fuck"ed our way through the whole damn thing!

Now, because this is a remake, I'm going to assume, since you're reading this blog, that you've seen the original.  That being said, this is a fairly true remake with some updating and, sadly but not too sadly, a removal of a lot of the humor that was present in the original (and the sequel/first remake... Evil Dead has a strange history).  That's mostly because the plot in the first one was "two couples and one dude's sister go camping".  This one is "two friends take a third, somewhat estranged, friend's little sister to the woods for a cold turkey detox session and big brother's ditzy fuck toy comes along for the ride". 

We know how this works.  Even the commercials give it away to those who never saw the original.  The kids get to the run-down cabin and discover a book of vile darkness in the basement.  Like idiots, they read the book and unleash unspeakable evil.  This evil inhabits their bodies, in one case via the auspices of tree-rape (what have I told you about going into the woods, kids?), and makes them do things that normal people wouldn't.  Like, oh, I don't know, carving open their faces with shards of mirror.

You can't see it but half of her face is on the floor.

Attacking their loved ones with syringes.

That is a hypodermic needle.  Under his eye.  eeeeeeeee...

Locking their possessed sisters in the basement where they can toss Exorcist-like insults at you, drag you in there with them and bite your hand so you have to cut off your arm with an electric knife to stop the evil from spreading.

 Soooo many screams at this one.  College kids are fuckin' wusses.

Oh.  My.  Gawd.  This was INTENSE!  It was a BEAUTIFUL gore-fest.  It wasn't deep, but we don't want deep with our Evil Dead.  It was a hell of a lot bleaker than the original but I'm OK with that.  It had SOME humor to break it up but it still left me holding my gallon of Diet Coke with a vice-like grip.  I loved every fucking minute of it.

Of course, there were a LOT of shout-outs to the original which, seriously, is a hallmark of any good remake.  Mia, the lead girl, is found sitting on the car from the original series.  There was a fight scene in the flooded basement reminiscent of the fight in the well in Army of Darkness.  The barbed wire wrapping the book in this film makes a shape like the face on the original book.

There are twists, though, that I think even the fans of the original will be happy with because, seriously?  Big brother is an idiot and Ash in the original series is a smarmy ass.  Love you, Bruce Campbell, but even you have to admit that Ash isn't exactly likeable as a human being.  Fede Alvarez isn't afraid to switch things up and he does it RIGHT.  Not only right but RESPECTFULLY.  Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell chose their new director wisely.

One of the cool things about this is that there is NO CGI in this movie.  None.  At all.  Not even for missing limbs in summer dresses.  I want to see a "making of" feature on this because DAMN!  Pure, gory, gorgeousness.

Ubiquitous chainsaw.  WHEEEE!

I really think that THIS is the film to make remake-haters eat their words.  And I want to be there when they do it.  To smack them with a Hello Kitty ankle sock full of nickels for being idiots that don't rate movies on their own merits.

April 5th, kids.  Go.  Give me a call.  I might go see it with you because it deserves multiple viewings.

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