Thursday, October 4, 2012

Whatever Happened To Chris Makepeace?

The 80's gave us some really lame music, some really lame fashion and some really lame horror movies.  This brings us to today's review.

You know that lame horror movies thing that I mentioned up there?  Forget it.  VAMP is, in my opinion, a classic horror comedy.  Quentin Tarentino owes a lot of From Dusk 'Til Dawn to it and somewhere in my gay contract, there's a stipulation that states that I must love Grace Jones.

This 1986 romp brings us big hair, rolled up jacket sleeves, skinny ties, Flashdance leotards, Dedee Pfeiffer and the stripper with the smallest boobs in the world.  See, the story goes like this:  Fraternity needs boobs.  Fraternity pledges need to get to the place where the boobs are to bring the boobs back to the fraternity so they can achieve social acceptance.  Rich nerd comes along for the ride so he can pretend he's loved.  Mid-range coolness fraternity pledge reunites with high-school pal Dedee and her mid-range boobs.  Cool fraternity pledge is infatuated with a Keith Haring inspired Grace Jones' tiny, tiny metal covered boobs and says "I must have her... to strip for the fraternity and make me even cooler".

Grace Jones is revealed to need a mani/pedi in the worst way and probably needs some floss, seeing as how (spoiler alert... really?) she's a vampire (and so is everybody in the boob-ranch) and she isn't the kind that leaves two neat, little holes.  Mid-range coolness fraternity pledge, rich nerd and mid-range boob Dedee have to fight off the vampires. 

Hey, I never said it was deep.

From a plot standpoint, it kind of shows that the studio wanted this to be a throwaway piece, but it stands up on its own.  It's not The Lost Boys or Fright Night but it kicks ass in its own way.  I think what makes it stand out is the visuals.  This movie does not look realistic and that's because they decided to use predominantly pink and green lighting but it actually enhances the movie and gives it a nightmarish quality that I love.

Anyway, remember how I said that teenagers wanted something to sneak out and see?  This was one of the big ones for me.  Oddly, it was because it was a vampire horror movie with Grace Jones, whom I loved as MayDay in A View To a Kill, and not because of the boobs.

Plus, there's this whole conversation about why Chris Makepeace is "testy" and I got the giggles.  When you're thirteen, anything can be made into a dirty joke.

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