Thursday, December 13, 2012

Jelly Beans

In the annuls of holiday horror, none stands brighter than Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill!

And by "brighter" I mean "I have never been more offended in my life".

It starts with an overacted robbery in an Easter bunny mask, which, all things considered, was probably the best and most easily understood scene in the whole movie.

THIS?  Makes sense.

Moving on, we now have the youngest mother of an adult (16... HA!) special needs kid EVER telling her badly acted adult special needs kid that she's got a date who shows up with bad Wolverine hair and cheesy porn 'stache wearing the Easter bunny mask from the robbery and gives him a blood-stained chocolate bunny and proceeds to tell the b.a.a.s.n.k. that a bad kid ripped the ears off of the Easter bunny which, effectively, ruins the kid's whole day because this kid LIVES for Easter seeing as how his dad died on Easter ten years ago.

Then a hobo gives b.a.a.s.n.k. a rabbit and b.a.a.s.n.k walks in on mom and new guy having sex which just causes a whole lot of OTHER problems like discovering that b.a.a.s.n.k. learned a few choice curse words from the gardener.  New guy walks in on kid and his new rabbit and proceeds to use the rabbit as blackmail.

Then Mom has to work a double shift and leaves the kid in the care of the new guy who invites over Pedo Pete who happens to have hookers, blow, cash and a taste for handicapped kids.

New guy is a bad egg.  HA!

And this is just in the first 20 minutes.

They improvised a SONG about hookers and cocaine, for Pete's sake!  Ray, the nelly pedomonster, comes with a briefcase filled with drugs and dildos AND he seriously needs a manicure.  Also, film makers, THANKS FOR THE NEGATIVE STEREOTYPE, ASSHOLES!

PAINFUL!  Painful and just fucking wrong.

But then the fun starts.  Knives and drills and a different Easter Bunny mask, oh, my.

Yeah, it still doesn't help.

I really don't have anything else to say.  This movie is an insult to just about everybody on the planet. 

Including hookers and pedophiles.

Skip it.

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