As a happy coincidence, ALSO in 1988, Jason Beghe starred as possibly the hottest quadraplegic EVER in the psuedo-nature-gone-wild horror classic Monkey Shines, written and directed by the master of the gigantic glasses, George Romero. And it's because of him that I am proud to admit that A) I like em muscle-y and fuzzy and B) I am an ass man.
|Thank you, Uncle George.|
So, after loading up a backpack with bricks, Alan Mann (who's name isn't symbolic or anything), goes jogging. With bricks. See, that's the part I don't get. Running is hard enough without carrying the equivalent of a small person on their back. Meh, to each their own.
Anyway, Alan, then gets hit by a car. OH NOES!!! Why would you do that to such a pretty, pretty man!?! Bastard!
|Waiting for mommy... which is totally disturbing.|
|ADORABLENESS!! Vicious, vicious adorableness.|
But, I digress.
In the process of bonding with Ella, he also starts a relationship with her trainer, Melanie. This bonding doesn't exactly work out that well because Ella, mistress of the kyoot, is Alex Forrest with a prehensile tail and she won't be IGNORED, Dan...
|HANDS OFF, BITCH! I'M the only one who does the ball shaving around here!|
So, yeah. Ella is initially protective but when she overhears that Alan's condition may be reversible via surgery she goes apeshit. Yes, yes, I know. Awful pun. It was intended. Let's move on, shall we? She kills Alan's former girlfriend AND his former doctor, who happen to be dating, by fire. She electrocutes Alan's mom in the tub (I'm thinking Alan wasn't too upset about that one). She kills Geoffrey with the shot that was meant for her (Sodium pentobarbitone, also known as Nembutal and, in humans, it's a relatively mild barbituate/sedative although it can be used for euthanasia in humans in sufficient doses. To house pets, though, it's probably known by some kind of gloriously Lord of the Rings-like name along the lines of The Great Needle that Brings Endless Nappy-Time or The Angel of Post-Walkies).
|And this is what you get for playing God.|
Fortunately, Alan knows how to calm her down and he convinces her to give him a cuddle before he RIPS OUT HER THROAT WITH HIS TEETH AND SHAKES HER LIKE A DAMN RAG DOLL!!!
The movie ends with a really bad dream.
|Featuring the worst cyst in the WORLD!|
|Because monkeys. This one only throws tiny poops.|
|Watching... Always watching...|
This is one of my favorites. If you haven't seen it, I recommend that you do.
And then? Never go to the zoo again.
Unless it's to procure me a monkey.