I have to describe this? This is going to be like writing a critique on my elderly neighbor's morning deuce. "Contains large amounts of corn which I'm sure that his doctor told him to stay from. Slightly greasy-looking. Hamster fur."
I really don't want to do this. But I will. I need to share the pain. This is like herpes. You can control it but it's never going away.
|Neither is this guy's sprayed on 6-pack.|
|That wig needs a fire treatment.|
Motherfuckers, if you're gonna give me gay porn, I'ma need to see some dick because, frankly when I was watchin' this I was thirsty as hell (for you non-gay folks, that means "touch me inappropriately now, please") and you made my penis, as glorious as it is (to me, your mileage may vary), an innie. There is no movie that I have seen, hardcore, softcore, gay, straight, anywhere in-between, that was less romantic (And I'm the guy that forgets his anniversary. It's January 1st.) or LESS FUCKING SEXY.
I mean, I expected bad acting so that's forgiven but did I really have to deal with the simpering on the part of the wig-boy? The consistent snarling of the que--- I mean prince? The fucking "Blue Steel" of the 'roided out dicknuts who, I reiterate, did NOT show me his dick..
|But I'm still pretty, right?|
No! Nnnnnnno! Bad directors! Stop giving the rest of us a bad name!