After Jaws 3-D came out (which was fucking brilliant in its suckitude), I don't think the world WANTED a new Jaws film because, seriously, the next step was either gonna be Disneyland or this. We got this. A shark REVENGE film. It says so right in the title. "This time it's personal" it says. A shark, who been done wrong by humans, follows the Brody family in order to eat them all like the tasty tidbits they really should have been two movies ago.
It manages to get one of them and, fuck you, I cheered. What police officer goes out on a boat alone KNOWING that he's been face to face with the shark that his dad electrocuted AND had it's spawn follow him and his brother to Sea World. SEA WORLD! In case you're wondering, not ONCE does Sea World get mentioned in this fourth installment and, goddamn it, I want to know why.
|So does Ellen Brody.|
So, yeah. The shark follows a grieving mother and her family to the fucking Bahamas where, it's said, they don't go. Which is kind of a lie because they've been found in nearly all coastal and offshore waters that have a temperature between 54 and 75 degrees Fahrenheit. ANYWAY. It FUCKING FOLLOWED THEM because it had a vendetta. Sharks, to date and to all known science, are not fucking telepathic.
|Greetings, Starfighter. You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan armada.|
|Lorraine Gary and Michael Caine's matching hairdos think this is hilarious.|
|I would have been perfectly OK with seeing the kid get eaten, here.|
Laziness. Pure fucking laziness.
Once again, do not make a drinking game out of this. You will die. A lot. Your liver will actively go on strike and walk out of your body under its own power.
It's known as "The Worst Sequel of All Time" for a goddamn reason.
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