And Oliver Stone wrote a horror movie that starred Michael Caine.
I really have no idea why I remember The Hand. I'd only seen it once before I rewatched it for you guys. There's not a whole lot about it that's game-changing in the world of horror.
In any case, the story follows a cartoonist who, during the course of a fight with his wife over the direction their marriage is going, loses his hand in a car accident. The hand itself, is kind of psychotic which is reasonable since all it did was draw a Conan ripoff for ten years. I'd be pissed, too. So, we follow this man through the course of his relationship and his recuperation and discover that he's really quite insane. It's totally a thing.
HA! "Thing" See what I did there?
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Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. |
So. Umm. That's it. Yeah, there's the wife fuckin' around with her "spiritual coach" and Caine himself fuckin' around with one of his students as revenge and then there's the ickiness of the lingerie to consider but that's the story. All of it.
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Who goes to a professor's house uninvited and proceeds to flash their tater tots within the first 5 minutes, anyway? |
I wish there was more to say about this. It's well-written and well-acted which are bonuses but you kind of feel no sympathy for the guy. His life is falling apart around him, not the least event of which is trying to cope with the loss of a limb, and, yet, you just want to get him off of his lazy ass and tell him to suck it up even though we ALL know that this guy is devastated and should be cut a little slack. I mean, he got the awesome robot arm and shit. He's Steve fuckin' Austin and all he does is whine and get all maudlin and morose and "You're not taking my kid away from me." (Said kid, by the way, played the young Christina Crawford from Mommie Dearest.)
On the other hand, (spoiler alert) the wife SERIOUSLY deserved it. She gave NO reason for her wanting to leave except she was being all Yoga-nutty and felt unappreciated but she didn't actually recognize any appreciation she DID get. The two of them probably shouldn't have married to begin with.
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Kind of OK with these folks ending up here. |
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Yeah. Biting is going to stop an undead hand. You go ahead with that. |
I am missing the shark themed articles, but I will accept an old clunker with Michael Caine any day. Does this mean you will review Idle Hands next?
ReplyDeleteMaybe not next but it's on the list. :) Theme weeks are HARD.
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