No, I'm fucking serious. First Fuller House happens, which, by the way, do not fucking pass go, do not fucking collect $200, good LORD that shit was awful. And then I find out that the goddamn CABIN FEVER remake has already happened and is on my fucking On Demand selections.
And, of course, like a dumbass with fetal alcohol syndrome, I had to watch it. Because I thought that there might be SOMETHING that could be done to improve on the steaming pile that is Eli Roth's magnum-fucking-opus.
Just kill me, OK? I would rather tap-dance on the lip of a volcano in butter shoes whilst trying to fend off the advances of a love-struck orangutan and pierce Queen Elizabeth's clit at the same time than watch this shit again. But I did it. For YOOOOOOOOUUUU!
|Just look at all of this entitlement all in one place.|
Worst. Mentor. Ever.
THEY LEFT IN THE PANCAKES KID FOR FUCK'S SAKE! Granted, they did leave out the surreal karate sequence but, fuuuuuuck, seriously?
|I'd tell you to eat me, you little psychopath, but you're already a biter.|
No. NO, children! I will not stand for this any longer.
Every single person with their name attached to this film should be dragged behind a speeding yacht and used as chum on a shark sight-seeing tour.
Done. I'm DONE.