ANYWAY! Today we're revisiting Shark Week for a bit and stepping right into The Shallows.
The Shallows is the story of a girl who's given up on life and decides to spend her young adulthood hanging out with unreliable friends who get drunk and hook up with rando Mexican dudes when they're supposed to be all supportive when she wants to find this unknown beach that her mom used to surf at. She's from Texas, so we don't expect her to be too fuckin' bright but she somehow managed to get into med school and is frittering away her scholarship in a quixotic quest to make her life meaningful again.
|And also a story about Blake Lively's ass in a swimsuit.|
In case anyone is wondering, Great White Sharks do hang out in the Gulf of Mexico so the premise that one hangs close to a surfer beach isn't too far fetched. What's far-fetched is the woman believing that she can do a whole lot of shit no normal human can do without being exposed to disease and fucking death. Nancy (that's her name) decides that the first place she wants to get away from the shark after it has already taken a bite is ON A DAMN WHALE CARCASS! That's just not sanitary. And, also, whale carcasses are FUCKING SHARK FOOD!
|This is Pete. His name isn't actually Pete but he's pretty much comic relief.|
And the shark just kinda hangs out because the shark is petty. And eats would-be rescuers and people who try to steal Nancy's shit because... it's... protective... that way?
|I'll watch your stuff, Nancy. You just ripen in the sun with Pete. I bet you taste like tan and rubber.|
I can't give away too much of the movie. Or, rather, I don't WANT to give away spoilers but... y'know... this happens:
|Vague surfer is delightfully piquant.|
|Shout out to Jaws in 3... 2...|
I'm still freaked out by the ocean.