A, B, SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

WELCOME TO PRE'WEEN!!!  It's totally a thing that Movies at Dog Farm does and it's TOTALLY FUN!  All countin' down the days to Halloween 'n' shit.  Did I mention I like Halloween?  'Cause I like Halloween .  30 days left, by the way.  Just sayin'.

Nothing's gonna change around here, really, but I love things that give me a reason to write.

ANYWAY!

Oooooooh, kids, I've been WAITING for this one and thanks to the auspices of TWC's On-Demand menu I HAVE WITNESSED THE AWESOME.

AGAIN!

AND AGAIN!

AND A-MUTHAFUCKIN'-GAIN!

'Cause here's another 26 tiny slices of phonetic fear that hurts soooooo gooooooood in the form of The ABCs of Death 2.

Well, not ALL of it.  Frankly, some of these, as with any anthology film, seriously suck, but the gems shine bright and I heart them. 

For real, what was this crap?

Just like the first ABC's of Death, we've got a whole lot of mondo cinema packed into 3-5 minute snippets and we got some awesome talent like Bill Plympton and the Soska sisters bringing us some FUCKED UP SHIT, yo.  "V is for Vacation" is a particularly nasty headtrip but I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT.  Because I'm mean and this is MAH house.

No, seriously, there's a lot of whackadoodle shit in here, particularly from the foreign directors but we have some genuine horror, broad themes (homosexuality in not one but TWO of the shorts (not counting the faux-lesbians in A is for Amateur), religion, the plight of the millennial, capital punishment, Thai hookers, vaginal odor), a truly staggering amount of pathos, some fantastically dark humor, some quick, some taking a bit but in all of these the payoff is wonderfully gruesome.

Stone cold bleak, yo.

Some of my favorites?  Well, the Soska sisters' "T is for Torture Porn" is fucking delicious.  It's deeply feminist, pro-person, anti-asshole message is firmly present while, at the same time, being cheeky as hell.  "E is for Equilibrium" plays merry hell with desert island tropes.  "S is for Split" was a short and brilliantly done split-screen home invasion piece.  And my favorite?

C'mere you handsome devil you.  I have candy.

This year's winner for the coveted "26th Director" spot was "M is for Masticate"  a beautiful, High-Def, slow-motion romp in the street with our nearly nekkid hairball up there just a joggin' away.  Fur and sweat glistening in the sun.  Lookin' all happy, like he's gonna catch a frisbee in his teeth.  It's a horror short so it doesn't end well but, seriously, I'm 'bout to divorce reality from fantasy here and say right here and now that:

I.

Fucking.

Call.

Dibs.

Seriously, this man should call me.  My husband would totally understand. Yes, I think with my dick.

Suck it.

Again, there's gonna be shit you hate in this one but, fuck, I'm watching it AGAIN as I type this if that tells you anything.

Much like the first one, this is highly recommended as a case study of mondo micro-cinema and y'all should be watching it right now.  Why are you still here?  Go!  Shoo!