In my ongoing series of visits to Trope-Town, I strive to educate you as to WHY certain plot devices appear in every goddamned movie EVER and today is no exception.
Today's lesson: The Telephone: Friend or Foe?
Hello, room service? Would you please send up some fresh towels and barbituates?
For the majority of the 20th century (and, let's face it, we're talking until the mid-to-late 90's, here), the telephone was relegated to the home. Even when cell phones were starting out, they were few, far between and INSANELY expensive so most people just had one or two lines (like, actual wire) at the house and if you needed to make a call outside of the home, you used a pay phone.
Yes, I know that anyone under the age of 25 has never even SEEN a rotary phone, let alone lived without a cell phone. Stop making me feel old or you get the pimpin' hand.
ANYWAY, this is all going to seem very matter-of-fact and common sense but bear with me.
The telephone is a connection to the outside world and it has been ever since Alexander Grahame Bell beat out all those other punk-ass bitches for the patent on voice transmission by wire. It reduced isolation in our society (or, if you're a luddite, increased it, but, then again, you wouldn't be reading this if you WERE a luddite so I'm going to ignore you and go on with my life) and, eventually, it not only gave us a means for communicating with friends, family and business associates, but it also became part of our emergency services infrastructure.
As time went on, we determined that the telephone is the most important thing in our lives, EVER, so we invented toll-free numbers, phone sex lines, Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends, the cell phone and, as of now, the smart phone which gives us a tiny computer in the palm of our hand so we can find new and interesting ways to screw with our friends and get into car accidents.
I 8 UR BRAKES! LOL!
What does all of this have to do with horror movies? EVERYTHING!
First off, as I've mentioned before, isolation is a common plot point in horror films. If you can't get help from others, how are you going to get out of whatever nasty predicament you're in? Enter the telephone.
The telephone is how we expect to be able to get help to come to us since we can't seem to find our way out of a wet paper bag. Of course, it's never going to be that easy, is it? In the olden days of yore, some asshole with a set of tin snips would always cut the wires or, if you already knew who the villain was, they would inevitably yank the phone out of the wall socket. (You also see this in films that take place prior to cell phones such as The Afflicted.) Nowadays, it's always "Damn, I can't get a signal" or, if there's no problem with the signal strength, "Damn, my battery died" because no one ever thinks to bring a car charger with them.
Seriously? Five bucks. Invest.
As for that OTHER nifty thing ye oldee-timey phones can do, they can also provide a means of intimidation. Prank calls, heavy breathers, and, my personal favorite, "THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!"
See, kids, back when everybody had to have a landline by default, if you had 2 phones in your house, you could actually dial the downstairs from the upstairs and we didn't have caller ID. This led to lazy children and urban legends about serial killers who torment babysitters. The kids upstairs never had a chance. The best example of this in film is the Carol Kane classic When a Stranger Calls. Not so successful was When a Stranger Calls Back. This is because we're pretty sure that the stranger is plain fucking stupid to be calling back the person they made genre-savvy.
Mostly, this is played straight. Even Scream, the genre-savvy rebirth of the slasher, tried to make a joke out of it (this is JUST before Caller ID was prevalent) but it eventually turned into one of the most iconic horror scenes ever filmed. This doesn't keep the Scary Movie franchise from making lame-ass poo jokes about it, though.
And, finally, back when we had corded phones, they often times served as a handy weapon. Those coily cords could not only tangle indiscriminately, but they could choke a bitch out. All cell phones can do is give Naomi Campbell ammunition. Unless you live in 1973, a modern cell phone would have to be thrown pretty hard to do any real damage. The MOST we're talking about, nowadays, is an eye-scream moment and since they ditched antennae there's not a lot to worry about there, either.
So, there we go, kids! The telephone is your friend... unless you're in a horror flick.
Now, go call your mother. She worries.
